Kjære Wall Street…

Denne mailen, som nå sirkulerer i USA, foreslår en slags redningspakke der finansverdenens egne knep brukes mot finansfolkene selv. For vanlige folk kan dette høres fristende ut, spørsmålet er om det ville hjulpet?

Norsk kortversjon (av originalen du ser under):
Til: Wall Street
Fra: Lobbyistene for landets skattebetalere, gjeldsslaver og forsikringstagere
1. Vi kan låne dere penger til 8,9% rente. Hvis dere er brøkdelen av et sekund for sen med et avdrag stiger renten til 32,9%
2. Hvis avdrag til ANDRE kreditorer betales for sent, vil renten også øke til 32,9%
3. Vi sender dere en 148 millioner sider lang avtale med betingelser og unntak, trykket med 6 punkts skrift. Avtalen kan endres uten forvarsel, vi sender ut oppdateringer hver time som vi forventer at dere leser.
4. Hvis dere låner mer enn kredittgrensen, selv om det bare er en dollar, vil renten øke til 54,9%. Dette står på side 109209392 i avtalen.
5. Når dere får problemer neste gang tar vi alt dere eier og har, siden dette nå står i vårt navn. Ingen unnskyldninger aksepteres.
6. Vi vil foreta kredittvurdering, sjekk av rulleblad og helse, samt doptesting av ledelsen i alle selskaper. Hvis vi finner antydning til uregelmessigheter vil renten på lånet stige til uante høyder, uten varsel.

Dear Wall Street,

Hi, this is the lobbyist for a group called
The Taxpayers, Debtors, and Insured People of the United States. Now
that we've rejected the first bailout plan, I'm sure that in the spirit
of tough, free market capitalism, and spirited negotiations, you'll
consider our second offer. Here are some terms that I'm SURE you will
find reasonable:

1) We are willing to loan you money at a very
low, introductory rate of 8.9%. If you are even one nanosecond late on
your payment, your rate will go from 8.9% to 32.9% instantly. You will
have no right to appeal this. The interest rate increase will be
retroactive. None of this "but I mailed it out Friday" nonsense. We
must get it, and the check must clear, for your payment to count. A
reminder: transactions that occur after 2pm are not credited until the
next business day, so be sure to make your payments before then.

If you are late on any of your other payments to your other creditors,
your rate will also be spiked to 32.9%. I know it has nothing to do
with us, but if you are late paying someone else, then OBVIOUSLY you
are a bigger credit risk to us.

3) We will send you onerous
terms and conditions 148,000,000 pages long in 6 point font. Of course,
those terms can change on a whim, at any time, so we'll be sending you
hourly updates to the contract, which we expect you to read and keep up
with. Sorry, we will be the only ones that can amend the contract; you

4) You will have a predetermined credit line, and if you
go over it by even $1, your interest rate will spike to 54.9%. Sorry,
it's in the contract on page 109,209,392.

5) The bankruptcy laws
have now changed. If you get into a bind, I'm afraid you won't find
much sympathy; no more silly excuses will be accepted. We are going to
have the titles to all of your buildings and physical assets put in our
name, so when the inevitable time comes and you trip up, we'll simply
take everything from you. There will be no court hearing.

We'll be conducting a background check, driving records check, drug
test, and disease risk check of all of the top executives of your firm.
After all, you're a riskier loan if you have any of those afflictions,
aren't you? Well, if we find ANYTHING wrong, your interest rate will
skyrocket, instantly, and without notice. 

7) If your business
is located in a "bad neighborhood", or a "poor city", or a "hurricane
zone", or "flood plane", or "terrorist targeted city", as defined by
us, we can raise your interest rates at any time, to any rate we choose.

For the last quarter century or so, you've imposed these terms, or some
variation of them on us, when loaning us money or insuring us...
arguing every single time that it's "necessary" and that these sorts of
changes "will result in more profitable companies that will pass the
savings along to consumers". Well, now that we're in the role of
lender, and you're in the role of borrower, we're sure that you'll find
these same terms fair.

Wall Street, prove the cynics wrong and
accept our new plan. Prove to everyone that you're not the hypocrites
that everyone thinks you are.

Best regards,


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